New Lifetime Show: Drop Dead Diva...Should I be offended??!?

I am currently watching the pilot episode of a new show on lifetime television called Drop Dead Diva. My mom told me I might be interested in it, I had no idea what is was about. I am not sure what to think about it yet. However the stero typing is sooo annoying. The premise of the show is that a size 2 tall, shallow, blonde model gets killed and gets sent back to earth but has to use a the body of someone who is still alive but dying. She goes in the body of a chunky, shorter, smart, brunette. When she sees she is now fat she asks: "You sent me to hell?????!!!!!!"

WOW.

And to be fair, why does the attractive skinny blonde have to be stupid?

There was lots and lots more.

If you catch the show. Let me know what your thoughts are...

To blog or not to blog...

Okay, lets get to the reasons I am considering giving up on blogging...

I started to think about why I started this blog in the first place. I wanted to have accountability on my journey, I wanted to encourage others and relate to them along the way, and I wanted to keep a record of my journey.

So far there seems like there has been no journey. In the last 2.5 years I have gained and lost the same 40 pounds over and over again. It hasn't been beneficial for me or my blogger friends. I am just floundering.

In the last six months I have gained weight yet again. As I gear up to get my life back on track for the 453rd time I am embarrassed to yet again share this on my blog. I am truly starting to wonder if it can be done. I have to believe it can or there is no point in going on.

I am just thinking that this blog is not doing what it was designed to do, which is to help me and help others. Since this is the case, should I keep going in hopes it all will turn around, or should I stop? I am not sure at this point. We'll see.

Kitchen before picture! It was awful!

Stained laminate cream counter tops and back splash. All of our appliances were mismatched. Fake wood particle board cabinets that were falling apart. Ugly border and ceiling fan. Peel and stick "tile". Yuck! After pictures coming so soon!

Everything has taken longer than expected and we are actually still finishing up the new back splash today. Cooking healthy is even more fun when you have a kitchen you love to be in and that actually works properly!

More of the same...

My new kitchen looks awesome, we are finishing the back splash this weekend. I know I promised before and after pictures and I will try and get them as soon as possible. To be honest I am pondering whether or not to keep blogging or not. I will get into that more in my next post. I just wanted to give a quick update so no one thought I was dead.

I'm home...

I just got back from Washington DC. I was visiting my best friend and her son who just turned 1 years old. I love that little guy. We had a great time. Now its time to get back in the game.

Well, its something...

My kitchen remodel is finally done. I still haven't been able to use it because I left for washington dc on thursday to visit my best friend and celebrate her little boys 1st birthday. Time flies. I will be back in a week. I have totally gained weight. Peace.

Breaking the Silence...

Sorry it has been silent for over a month. Honestly I took some time off to focus on myself. I didn't write, I didn't check the blog, I didn't weigh myself, and took a little inventory of my life. It was a great exercise as I really am a blessed person. I may not be at the weight I want to be, and I may not be able to get pregnant. However, once I started looking at everything I do have, I felt silly for letting myself get so down. The biggest blessing in my life is my husband. I don't want to be so focused on my weight and having a baby that I miss out on life with him. He supports me no matter what, he is the greatest man I have ever known and I love being with him. We spent a lot of time together over the last month and even went on a mini vacation. We are also in the middle of a kitchen remodeling project. Our kitchen was right out of 1979 when our home was built and it is slowly becoming a wonderful up to date kitchen. We should be done with it by the end of the month. We will post some pictures. More soon...I just wanted to say hello to my blogger friends! Life is sunnier over on my side of the world. I hope you are all doing well too!

My SIL's 80's themed Birthday Party

When it rains it pours, parties galore over here in my life. A few shots from the party. I rocked it rainbow bright style.

In other news, I am still depressed and having a hard time climbing out of the hole I am in. I gained one pound. I am now 315. Yippee.

Truth

Well, I am officially a statistic. They say Obesity and depression are linked. It is hard to admit but I am depressed. I usually try to be up-beat but I just can’t do it anymore. I know being depressed doesn’t help my situation but I can’t help what I feel. As I move closer and closer to 30 without any huge weight loss success, without any relief from my PCOS symptoms, and without being able to start a family, I just feel trapped. I am actually too depressed to even write anymore today…

I didn’t gain any weight though. I am still 314.

A few photos from my mom's 70's themed 50th b-day bash!!