The cost of being fat.

Being fat is expensive. I had buy a new dress for the bridal shower I am throwing next weekend. It always upsets me how expensive plus size clothes are and what a limited selection we have. If I have to pay almost double the price can you give me a little more variety. My favorite place to shop is Macy's Plus size department because they have a lot of the same things that they have in the regular women's department only bigger, but the prices are not good. However because I only shop the sales I always get a good deal. The problem is when you need something right away you have to pay full price to find anything good and in season. I looked at Macy's and there was nothing good on sale or not. I was feelings a bit panicky...most of current dresses are too dressy for the occasion, I wanted to wear a spring-ish casual dress. We don't have a Lane Bryant anywhere near my house and I hate trucking all the way out there. So, I decided to try another store I had heard about called Avenue. Some of the clothes were good and some very matronly and heinous. I think most people could get staples there like jeans, shirts, bras, ect but I wouldn't create a wardrobe from that store. All of there dress were 59-89 dollars. This is not want I wanted to spend for my casual dress, but I bought one anyway. It's blue and it fit me well. This got me thinking about how many other things I pay more for because I am fat. If I wasn't covered by group health insurance I would have huge individual premiums because of my weight. Whenever I travel on an airplane I now feel the need to buy two tickets instead of one because I want to be sure I fit in the seat and do not creep into anyone else's space. Think about all the money I have spent on extra calories at the grocery store I didn't need. I have spent countless dollars on different diets and weight loss products. I have bought exercise gear and machine's I barely touched. Some reports have even shown that fat people make less money than their slimmer counter parts. Did I get hired at a smaller starting pay because of my weight? I may be cheating myself out of thousand's of dollars per year by keeping my fluffy exterior. For the health benefits of losing weight, it will also pad your wallet.

Monday Weight In: 326

If I hadn't promised myself that I would blog once a week no matter what happens I probably wouldn't be blogging at all. It hard enough to fall on your face by yourself but completely different to fall in front of a crowd. (Not that my 3 blog readers is a real crowd.) However, it feels like public humiliation. What I had to realize is I didn't fall, I just tripped, and now I can move happily on. It has been hard to stay focused and have to stay positive that's for sure, but after some wonderfully supportive readers (thanks sarah!) and some great talks with my husband, I feel a renewed strength. I know I got too caught up in a short term goal, when the real prize is to get as healthy as I can, not fit into a dress for one day. The dress was important to me because Stacy is important and I wanted to be there for her looking great at her wedding, and I still will be, I am just not sure what I'll be wearing.

Monday Weigh In:326 & Dress Woes

I have been in a downward spiral for the past week and a half...sickness...a death in the family and then the dreaded bridesmaid dress came in. As you can guess, it didn't fit, it didn't even come close to fitting. This through me into a deep depression. I know I should have thought about how far I have come the last few months but instead I felt like a loser and bought pad thai, sushi, and cherry vanilla breyers ice cream to soothe myself. The top of the dress and waist were a little too big, but the hips and butt barely fit over and made me look like a pig in a blanket. It was pathetic. I guess I thought I might be able to fit because some of my clothes are 24's now. I have at least 3 size 24 dresses that fit me well but I guess that is because they are flowy and not so fitted. I took the dress into my trusty seamstress hoping she could help me with this mess of a situation and her reaction of "Wow, I don't think there is much I can do" didn't help the horrible feelings of dread ether. The biggest problem (besides my fat ass) is that the dress is a very specific shade of green and the fabric can not really be matched. I am not sure what to do. Should I step down as maid of honor? Should I offer to have a different dress made for me in her other color (silver)? I feel like a loser friend. A good friend would have gotten skinny enough. And, yes, I am an emotional eater. *sigh*

A late Weigh In: 324.5

I feel out of control. Traveling was horrible for my new lifestyle. Why is it that when some one dies everyone wants to feed you? I am definitely an emotional eater and having little old ladies bringing over fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, cakes, pies, the whole nine, didn't help me one bit. Between the emotions, stress, and fattening southern cooking, I feel like I failed. I know I just have too pick myself up, dust myself off and start again but I am pretty disappointed in myself. I could have made wise choices but I threw caution to the wind and pigged out. It was my first really completely out of control moment since January 1st. Okay, I am shaking it off now. Today is a new day!

I did end up losing 1.5 pounds since my last weigh in 1 1/2 weeks ago, but considering I didn't eat for two days with the stomach flu I know I could have lost 4 or more pounds if I hadn't had 4 days of crazy eating and no exercise. I am however grateful my weight didn't go up. That would have been horrible! I expect this will be a very slow week as I try and get my body back into balance and routine.

Grandmother

My husband's grandmother passed away yesterday. It's a very sad occasion. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and will always be remembered for her loving heart and big sparkling blue eyes. The loss was not completely unexpected but it hurts none the less. We will be traveling up for the funeral this weekend.

I have not had to test my new lifestyle skills with travel yet. Hopefully I can make wise choices and get some exercise while on the road and at a hotel. Between being sick and everything else this week, I have only gone to the gym twice which is not much for me.

As ridiculous as this is I am freaking out a little that I will not get to weigh in on Monday. I guess I will weigh in when I get back Tuesday. Grrrr. I wish there were reliable portable scales. Yes, I am a freak.

Stomach Flu...

I can't believe I caught it this year, I have been avoiding it for a while now but when DH had symptoms on Monday, I had a feeling I was doomed. I woke up this morning feeling like death. I am leaving work early now, but I wanted to write a meager blog first. Hopefully I will be back tomorrow healthy as a horse. Who came up with that phrase? Is a horse that healthy anyway? Geez stupid stomach flu, ruin a perfectly good week. Well, I guess stomach flu isn't that stupid. It figured our a way to ward off my immune system and make itself at home in my body. Okay, I am rambling. Off to sleep this thing away.

Working out was bad for my social life.

I have become such a slave to my work out routine I can't bare to break it...EVER. I am not a morning person so I have been going the bulk of my working out in the evening at the gym. Any time I ever have gotten an evening invite out I have had to decline. "I must go to the gym" I chant in my head. Its been sad. I have missed out on a lot. I can't stop exercising but I can't keep squashing my social like to smithereens by declining every invitation. I decided a major change had to be made and I was not looking forward to it. I HAD to start exercising in the mornings before work so I could do more after work and not feel so rushed. It really was the perfect time for me to work out: I wouldn't have to keep showering twice a day, I wouldn't already have my make up on (I HATE sweating with my make up on) I have nothing I am usually doing at that time besides sleeping, it could rev up my metabolism for the day, it would get my day off to a nice start. So with all the good points about it why was I still dreading it? The first day I set my alarm for an hour and 15 mins before I usually get up but alas, my snooze hand won that battle. The next night I set two different alarms so I couldn't just hit snooze. My body let me down a second time by snoozing the one alarm and sleeping right through the other one! I was really frustrated and disappointed with myself. I need to just get up and do it! So the third morning when the alarm said "Wake up!!!", in its loud annoying voice I jumped out of bed, not even giving myself a chance to think about how good snooze would feel. (The snooze button truly should have never been invented, does it ever really help anyone or just enable them to not get up when they really wanted to!!) I pulled my hair into a pony tail, put on my gym clothes and shoes and ran out the door. I haven't seen that world at that time in the morning in a long time. It was kind of nice. My first morning work out was pretty grueling. I couldn't help but keep looking at the time. "WHAT, it has only been 5 mins!?!?" But I made it, and I did a little happy dance when I got home, feeling strong. I had won the battle, at least that day. So, now, after a full week and a half of my morning routine, I can say I am a morning exerciser. It's still not easy but its getting better and it has given much needed time in the evenings to spend with my husband, friends, and family. I also am eating dinner much earlier and am not so revved up at night. Also, I haven't totally given up my PM exercise. I found a new form of exercise that I am in love with, the Body Ball! I tried one the other day and really love it. It's amazing how versatile they are. There are so many great stretches, abs exercises, and resistance moves you can do on the ball, and best of all, its fun. The third part of my shake up is: drum roll please: I have finally added weights to my routine. I bucked them for a long time now. Cardio is just so much more pleasurable to me that lifting dumbbells, but I knew it was the next step for my fitness and health goals. So, here is where we are at now:

5-6 Days a Week:

AM - 1 Hours of Cardio of my choice

3-4 Days a Week:
PM- Body Ball DVD (20 mins) and Weight Lifting (20 mins)

Monday Weigh In: 326

Down Down Down, that's always what the scale should always do. I lost 1.5 pounds this week and am very happy about it! I work hard, ate right, and was rewarded. Since I started my new lifestyle a little over 2 months ago this is what I've noticed:

Pros:
-I have had loads more energy already, which is awesome, if I feel this great at 326...what will 226 feel like?
-My back doesn't hurt any more, I am not sure if this is due to weight loss or exercise but it is great news.
-I no longer that those blood sugar highs and lows through out the day that make me feel crappy. I think this
is because I am eating every few hours, I am eating high quality food, I am trying to limit sugar and refined carbs,
and the Cinch multi-vitamin I am no helps to regulate blood sugar.
-I am feeling full on less food, this doesn't not help when I am emotionally eating because I can still eat past the
full stage but it helps in everyday life to consume less.
-I am eating so many nutrient packed fruits and veggies now.
-I don't have to push myself as hard to exercise, it has become part of my routine, I hope one day I will even look
forward to it.

Cons:
-I have had trouble keeping myself in check with eating in social settings. It is easy to make bad choices when I am surrounded
by unhealthy foods and even encouraged by friends or family to eat them.
-Sometimes I miss eating real meals for lunch, the shake for Breakfast is great but I miss having a real lunch, however I really think
the shakes are helping me get my health in line. At some point I will only drink the shake for breakfast.
-I am breaking out! I have no idea why! Some people have told me that weight loss can mess with your hormones and I have heard that it
maybe my body detoxifying. I am not sure, but I hope it stops. I usually just get one little zit right before my period but now I have like 5 angry
ones that have taken up residence on my face. I want to evict them ASAP!

So, that is what I have noticed so far. Sorry I didn't blog much over the weekend. I took Friday off from work and have the best time just being
with friends and family and taking some time for myself. Work life has gotten really busy and I get less and less time to just relax. More soon.